Perspective is one of those "easier said than done" things

Perspective is one of those things that's easy to have when everything is going well. It's easy to be optimistic about problems when you *don't have any

And I'm one of those people who has spent thinking--and maybe bragging--about the positivity perspective I would embrace if things weren't going in my favor, because, well, it's easy to be positive, even about bad things, when bad things aren't actually affecting you. "Nothing bad lasts forever." "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." These and all the other positivity perspective mottos out there are inspiring and motivational when bad things are hypothetical and you can just Snapchat them to your friends who are having a bad day (week, month or year). 

You can probably see where this is going.  

Recently I've been thinking a lot about perspective. Because for the past three months I haven't been sitting on the other side of difficult...I've been hanging out with my version of him pretty consistently. I've been doing alright at the whole going with the flow thing, but I've come to realize that maybe I'm not always the positive, energized person that I told myself I would be during times of trial. 

The aforementioned mottos are helpful for me 50% of the time. Of course nothing bad lasts forever! People with MUCH bigger problems than me have gone on to lead happy and productive lives. At the end of the day, a broken leg and three months of inactivity is a relative equivalent to #firstworldproblems. There are days when I wake up filled with nothing but gratitude for the lessons I'm learning, the support I've gotten from friends and family and the opportunity I have to improve myself everyday.

But the other 50% of the time my more realistic side continually reminds me that I'm financially strapped and unemployed, quite a ways from full recovery, and generally more "useless" than I want to be or have ever been. The powerful--albeit occasional--feelings of helplessness and defeat are very real when you are stuck in the middle of them. 

I guess I have somewhat of a bipolar relationship with this thing called perspective. 

At this moment, I'm grateful that someday in the future I'll be able to look back on this, laugh at it, and be genuinely grateful that I was able to learn things like patience, humility--perspective--and flow. Tomorrow when I look at my back account, I'll fight yet another battle with sinking pit of anxiety that lodges itself in the middle of my stomach like clockwork, whenever I'm trying to be financially proactive. 

Regardless of how I spent the day though, I do still manage to remind myself of at least three things that are going well every night before I go to bed. It really does work wonders in how I sleep and feel when I wake up in the morning. Because at the end of the day, even if I all I managed was a physical therapy appointment and a phone call to my sister in Portland, I still have a roof over my head, food to eat, family and friends that care and strong intentions for a better future. That has to count for something.

Sometimes I'm dramatic, overwhelmed and feeling defeated. 

Other times I'm an inspiring bundle of grateful positivity.

I guess it depends on the day.

Or the situation.

Or, maybe it just depends on my perspective. 


*Author's note: this statement is not intended to trivialize any reader's problems. As my post goes on to say, I understand any problem--when you are in the midst of it--can be very real.